THIS IS A ONE DIRECTION POST

Because duh.

So after singlehandedly catapulting One Direction to US fame and stardom (you're welcome, America!), I watched in awe of myself as everyone around me and their mother effectively lost control of their bodily functions whenever the fearsome five-some took to a stage, sang their precious harmonies in tune, or asked everyone to retweet some nonsense like #harryshowusyourwilly or #getnialltotweetmeorikillmycat. Needless to say, 1D has added a new layer of crazy to the American tweendon/Beliebers/me and most of my friends not seen since my BSB/Spice Girls craze zenith circa 1998. Not wanting to lose any momentum, the boys let us know earlier this year that there would be a new album out THIS YEAR. so naturally I was like:

...Because it had been a whole 5 minutes that I hadn't heard anything about One Direction and I was FREAKING THE EFF OUT.

Then a couple of days ago they put out this lovely message:

There were several things to note:
1) Liam and Louis look like that boy you liked in the 4th grade. You know what I'm talking about. The cute one (I dont think boys got "hot" until 6th grade) who was like, REALLY good at PE that you would tell everyone you kind of hated to throw suspension off of yourself. They are even equipped with the same windswept/gelled bangs. Why did we like that? More importantly, WHY DOES IT MAKE MY BODY FEEL LIKE THIS. Hold me, Liam.
2) My love Zayn is looking a bit too frail for my liking. He's got the hourglass shape that I've been working towards (and failing) for the past three months, and I do not approve. I actually think Liam ate Zayn, his cheeks like a bit filled out. Buy yourself a happy meal, love. I know it costs like 85 pounds in England, but still...
3) Niall sure loves his tank tops.
4) Harry wuz thurr. And his hair-helmet seems slightly less voluminous.

But the most important thing to note is that the all important sophomore album first single is fast approaching. I will thus use as little logic as I can to really break this down for all three of you that are genuinely interested. So many things go into a successful single, what with so many critics and fans to please with a signature sound while showing some sort of growth...


Lawlz.

Lets be serious, One Direction could poop on a blank CD, call it their new album, and set the price at $100000, and they would still smash every record ever thanks to the thirst of women (and some men) in the 12-22 age range. But I'm here to evaluate the full package as it becomes available. So here goes nothing. The three part analysis is as follows...

ABENA'S AMAZING BUT COMPLETELY BS ANALYSIS OF THE NEW ONE DIRECTION SINGLE

1) Title and Lyrics
So Thanks to the video we were given the single name "Live While We're Young"
First Thoughts: Ew. This is gonna be some poor attempt at a mature ballad-y man-band song in the style of every song ever that has the words "live like you're dying" or  "I hope you dance" or "dance like you're tryna get some because your body wont look this good again" (thats a thing right?)
Thoughts upon further analysis: Well to be fair, who knew that "What makes you beautiful" would be as good as it was without being as ballad-y as the Backstreet song of similar name? And plus, I love most of One Direction's man-ballads. They were surprisingly not shit in the slightest, and they do them really well. So I guess it wouldn't be that bad. And plus its probably not a ballad. I feel like "Its Gotta Be You" was the least successful of the 1D singles and it was a mid-tempo sleepy affair (I say this despite my love for Zayn on this track), especially compared to One Thing and WMYB. So at this rate, this will probably be WMYB Part 3. Also because it has the same writers Savan Kotecha, Rami Yacoub (SONGWRITING GOD), and Carl Falk. I am already so excited for this that I just peed a little woops.

We were also blessed with the album title "Take Me Home"

First Thoughts: "YES. SHALL WE TAKE YOUR CAR OR MINE?"
Thoughts upon further analysis: lol this effing kids, I love them. The first album was "Up All Night", this one "Take Me Home". The next three albums will probably be "Lets Do It", "You're On the Pill, Right?" and "Songs for my Baby Mama". Ugh, this boys are reeking of reckless unprotected youthful abandon and I couldn't be happier about it. All I have to say is:

Now we wait for what will probably be earth shattering lyrics like "you're so pretty with your hair pushed back, let's kiss because this life dont last forever, so as long as we're here we might as well LIVE WHILE WE'RE YOUNG". I think yes.

2) The Video/The "leaked" Video shoot pictures
OH NOES!! Someone not at all affiliated with the One Direction PR machine leaked some pictures of the boys at their secrete video shoot for their new song. DAMN YOU SOCIAL MEDIA FOR SPREADING THOSE PICS LIKE SMOOTH PEANUT BUTTER OVER A HOT CROISSANT.
Oh look here's one now!

So again, several things
1) Niall is naked. Which is a complete reversal of the WMYB shoot where he was the only one YOLOing in the ocean with his shirt on. Yay for confidence, Niall! Your six pack (and 30 pounds of padding hopefully) will grow in soon!
2) Yup, there is a giant phallic banana and squirt guns. No maturity detected on this video set. YAY FOR WHAT MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL PART 3!!
3) Why is it that all the boys are enjoying Louis' face while Harry is in the corner macking on some girl getting ready to overwhelm him? Because such is life I guess. She must be like at least 30 though for her to even be slightly believable as a possible love interest.
So we're waiting for the moving picture version of the video. I predict it will be magical and carefree and vanilla as anything. 

So I guess the only thing that is missing is part 3, which is the song itself and the live performance of the song (I'll add that when they become available. So far, scowling the internets has produced absolutely no leaks. merde). Added together, these elements make or break an emerging artists' blossoming career. But again its 1D so it wont matter. As long as they stay cute and keep shelling out quality pop music, the sun will continue to set in the west, and hairflipping conquers all.

So here is me shamelessly plugging my mash-up cover of the stupidly amazing 1D song Na Na Na

cheers,

Beans.

British Airways, wtf.

Maybe it’s because it has been a solid year since I’ve flown anywhere, and on top of that, over two years since I’ve done the grueling 7 hours to London, 4+ hour layover, 8 hours to Accra flights, but I now remember that I HATE flying. I think what happened was that I got jaded by the those United Dulles to Accra 9 hour flights. I continue to stand by my hatred for that airline and everything about it, but I think that it just ended with me romanticizing flying on British Airways. Well guess what? My love/love relationship is over. Sad times.

Here’s the reasons why this 2 day adventure was mis:

1.       I initially had the idea of doing a blog comparing my generation to my 12 year old sister’s. Here’s how the conversation went…

Me: Amy, I’m going to do a blog about how my generation is better than your generation, so you need to tell me music and television that your people (tweens) like and I can compare it to my superior stuff

Amy: What? Why?...Okay. How about the Hunger Games?

Me: You can’t claim that. That’s mine.

Amy: Why? You haven’t even finished the book (note: that’s false. I’ve barely started the book. That’s more accurate). And it came out more recently

Me: no Amy, I’m thinking more like the Hannah Montanas, and Justin Biebers and the Carly Rae Jepsens. And all those horrid Disney channel shows.

Amy: I don’t like any of those things.

So eventually I learned that Amy is much cooler than I ever was at 12, and that I wasn’t really giving teens and tweens a fair chance (mostly because my teen and tween years WERE actually superior in terms of television and musical content…sorry, I’m doing it again). So since I was leaving the country soon, it only seemed right that I try and rot my brain as much as possible while I still have a steady internet stream. Of course the best way to do this is Marathoning. You know, when you watch a TV show back to back to back for as long as possible, coming up for air only to go to the bathroom and sleep. Real Marathoners go hard and take the computer with them to the bathroom in order to stay in the rhythm and not lose momentum, but to each his own method. When it comes down to it, I’m pretty much an Olympian at this. I’d heard some things (good and bad) about the show Teen Wolf, and decided to go for the Marathon and then compare it to a similar show that I watched at that age, “Big Wolf On Campus” (props to anyone that remembers that).

I'm pretty sure I was in love. WOOF WOOF!

 Well, long story short, I haven’t gotten around to rewatching the pilot of BWOC because I AM HOOKED ON THE TEEN WOLF (I will eventually though!). I dont know if its actually aimed at teens and tweens, but there is so much good going on in that show (plus the BEST soundtrack), but I really can't stop watching. This is also coming from girl who lives for shows like Footballers' Wives and the Bachelor/Bachelorette, so I dont really know if I'm actually a good judge of quality. But had we not left for the airport, I would have finished season one all on Monday. So I was so angry when traveling cut this addiction short.

Doesn't this make it look like the worst show of all time? Shockingly it isn't.

2.       Flying is usually fun because you can people watch like nobody’s business. For me, it extends a bit further. Usually you can pick out an attractive person and see the odds of you seeing them multiple times between checking in and boarding. And every time you do see them, you have to try to draw attention to yourself to see if they notice you. In a perfect world they would notice you and happen to be getting on the same plane and be seated within casual conversation distance, thus creating a sort of 7 hour whirlwind airport romance. It’s usually not very hard because hot people are always traveling. However, on August 13^th, 2012, all the pH 14 people IN THE WORLD must have decided to take the British Airways flight to London because it was abysmal. There was actually for the first time ever, NO ONE of interest on my flight. And if I even for a minute thought that someone was attractive, the other shoe would drop. The other shoe was usually their 15 kids and/or tacky and loud outfits. Denim on denim on denim is NOT a good look, kids. 

3.       None of my favorite Olympians got inexplicably trapped at Heathrow long enough for me to get pictures with them/be their best friends/soulmates. I’d been counting on that. (on a positive note though, I did see the Brazilian Paralympic Team!). Pas bon fromage.

4.       There was this super cute couple in front of me at the British Airways check-in. They had two sets of twin girls, the most adorable girls in the entire world (Which is saying a lot because I dont even like girls). Then I saw that they were on both of my flights and my heart just sank. Crying. Babies. Every. Hour. Of. The. Flight. I KID YOU NOT. I know I know I am horrible and they’re just kids and they popping of the ears probably hurt then a lot. I DON’T CURR. I was over it the very first minute. 

5.       Horrible neighbors. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a people pleaser, almost to a fault. But I almost couldn't handle the people I had to sit next to. Mom, Al, and Amy were together so I had to bite the stranger danger bullet. First this old man and his old wife pretended not to understand/speak english as the pushed my seat  repeatedly. Then old girl tried to steal my blanket. I actually grew a pair (I was surprised too) and didn't give in. THEN old man spilled his drink on me (which too be fair was probably an accident), and then laughed at me….no, he CACKLED. I was so livid I ALMOST gave them a death stare...almost. And then on the second flight, the man next to me dressed in all white like he was going to a Diddy party asks me for my pen. I mean, it doesn't sound that bad, but it really annoyed me. It wasn't like I wasn't using the pen, I was. I was clearly and very vocally involved in solving the crossword puzzle. He sees this and still asks me, even though his thing could have waited until any other time on the flight. ugh, whatever.

6.       Gritty British dramas – I love them but I hate them. I feel like Brits just aren’t into happiness all that much. Other than 'Love, Actually,' 'Bridget Jones,' and  maybe a couple of other films, all the british drama that I get exposed to leaves me depressed and sad because inevitably your favorite character dies horrifically in one way or another. I missed the start of Avengers on my TV thing, so I started watching this film called 'Wild Bill.'

 It’s actually rather cute when you read the description. Basically, a deadbeat dad gets out of prison after serving eight years for drugs and battery and comes back to try and take care of his two sons who have their own normal adolescent problems, LIKE DEALING CRACK, GETTING WITH TEEN MOMS AND WORKING CONSTRUCTION TO AFFORD TOAST FOR DINNER EVERY NIGHT. So the movie is going along and there’s lots of shouting and swearing and instructional footing on how to make crack. But I can never enjoy it fully because I'm anxiously waiting for the 11 year old to get shanked or shot in the head because that's just how British dramas end. It actually wasn't that extreme as it turns out, and it was a really good enjoyable movie (shockingly). The dad really grows on you and it also stars Ewan Rhoen of Misfits fame as the teen mom’s babby daddy (maybe not his best work) and that annoying tit Eustis from the third Narnia movie. Except he suffers from Freddy Highmore/that kid from love actually syndrome where they’re like 6 feet tall now, but still have the faces of ten year olds. Its pretty disconcerting when he’s trying get his mack on with teen mom.

His birth certificate says he's 19 (what) but his face screams WAAAAH I MADE A POOP IN MY DIAPER

 But basically all I want is super Vanilla Disney disney endings. IS THAT SO BAD?

7.    Finally, Baggage claim. We got in at 8:30...and we left baggage claim at 10:30. TWO HOURS??? This was Southwest Airlines baggage claim/Joe Jackson level bad. Bags were everywhere scattered everywhere, people were hostile, and it was just the most epic fail of airport happenings known to man. I guess 6 planes landed at the same time, and everyone lost their minds.  

But I'm here! And leave for Takoradi tomorrow!  Off to take full advantage of this jetlag 

Abena

Diddy is the absolute worst manager of all time

So recently, Snoop Dogg decided to change his name to Snoop Lion. I started on my typical judgement:

...Because that is actually the stupidest name change known to man. What really annoys me is that he thought he could go from a dog to a cat. He's really tryna animorph into another family, species, and genus like its no big deal. C'mon son. And plus I have strong feelings about cats.

But then I thought back to another famous business name change that actually worked out well: Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs to Sean "P. Diddy" Combs...to Sean "Diddy" Combs. Who could have predicted that would turn out so well? Seriously....this guy:

 

 just fastforward to 1:50 to watch him eat cereal with orange juice and then "dance". smh.

As I sat and watched this video, I scratched my head. Then laughed. Then remembered that this was Diddy and got angry. Why? Because he is the single worst manager of all time. He's taken groups and individuals that I've liked under his wing and basically killed any chance of them having any longevity in the music business. To be fair, I have no evidence that he actually purposefully placed the poison apple of failure in their midst, but he is the common factor. Where there's smoke, there's fire; where there's fire, there's cambodian breast milk; and where there's cambodian breast milk, there's Diddy, ruining everyone's music careers. Lets look at a couple of people/bands that just dont exist anymore:

a) Dream

Dream was everyone's favorite girl band for like 6 days in 2001. They consisted of the lead (and only) singer ginger girl, the Hispanic girl, the short haired blonde girl who got some talky bits, and the annoying long haired blonde girl who got the other talky bits (I dont know why but she was always my least favorite). They joined Diddy's Bad Boy records (misstep number one) dropped this song and it became a hit, giving every fifth grade girl the musical accompaniment and inspiration to confront the hoochie who was talking to (as in literally speaking to) her fifth grade man. Just when the world thought they had been blessed with the White Destiny's Child (they still had four members back then didn't they?), Diddy comes in and ruins everything. They release the fantastic follow-up single "This is me," and you're starting to count your chickens before they hatch. Never fear, in swoops Diddy to release THE SAME SONG as their third single, but as a "remixed" (i.e. crap) version. I'm groaning and shaking my head as I type this.

I mean, he basically gets way to close to long haired blonde for most of the video, adds an unknown rapping guy who looks like a fat version of Hoodie Allen minus all his likeability and flow, and then hijacks the video to dance by himself for like 30 seconds. I'm also convinced that that isn't even him dancing. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS DIDDY. Long story short, Dream became a nightmare and fell of the face of the earth forever, the end.

B) Cassie

Hey, did you know that Cassie has had a song out for the last 6 months and that her second album is "dropping" in September? NOPE.

So young Cassie was just some pretty biddy underage drinking and dancing at some clubs when Ryan Leslie picked her out of the moshing crowd and wanted to make her a star. Cool. He writes "Me and U" for her (you know, that song where she's dancing ALONE for the whole song), it becomes a hit at clubs in Europe. Huzzah! Then Diddy gets involved. Ruh-roh. I'm starting to get a bit antsy because of the whole Dream fiasco, but I give it a shot. And surprisingly, I get one of my favorite songs of 2006, Long Way 2 Go:

I'm just like YUSSSS DIS MA SONG!! In retrospect, the lyrics are pretty atrocious and her rapping is...I mean, she's just talking. But I was super into it, so whatever. But then, nothing. I'm waiting patiently, but nada. Zip. Zilch.

...Basically we never hear about her again. Oh except that when she was the featured girl in Kanye's Stronger video and STILL not putting out mediocre music that I can grind to at parties. I'm not mad. And she was DATING DIDDY. I just...WHY. That's probably the reason she was never dropped from Bad Boy Records, but it's like a double edged sword, innit? She's legally/emotionally bound to him, so she's never out of a job, but she'll probably never release anything of substance again and stay stuck looking like Skrillex because of her stupid haircut. She can't escape. Sadness.

And the new song isn't even that good. SAVE US RYAN LESLIE, PLEASE. WE WERE SO CLOSE.

C) All "Making the Band" Groups Ever

This is probably why Diddy is the worst. He makes us sit through like 85 seasons of "Making the Band," has each band release one song, and then dissolves them. The two most prominent ones were Danity Kane and Day26. "Da band" doesn't count because they never had a chance, even with the top 5 rappers of all time in the group.

Danity Kane, however, was supposed to be a good group. My girl Aundrea was the Christina Aguilera of the group (you know, before Christina got horrible and started ruining the national anthem). Aubrey was actually talented and pretty. Dawn was there (I dont remember anything else about her). The other two I dont even remember, but they worked. This song was great...kind of

I mean, I dont know. Its another one of those situations where now that I'm listening to this they should definitely have been broken up based on merit because this song is what it would sound like if your voice box was a kazoo. I can't believe this was a real song. Everything about this is terrible. But fifteen year old me was all about showstopping in my kitten heels at homecoming. 

BUT OF COURSE, Diddy wasn't feeling my showstopping, and pulled this act. 

For the first time, you actually get to WATCH him dissolve someone's career. My favorite part is when Diddy is all "Emotions will have you broke," when he has more Emotions than a dorm full of hormonal first year girls on their periods. Then he up and fires Aubrey and poof, what do we have now?

Woof. Aubrey now spends her days ruining Arsenio Hall's life on the Celebrity Apprentice. And Diddy Dirty Money, his new group with Dawn? Haven't heard from them in forever (Hello, Goodmorning was a surprise hit though.). So he actually killed two birds with one stone.

And then there's Day26. Day26 has a special place in my heart, despite the fact that I wouldn't recognize anyone in this group if they came up to me in the middle of the street and said 'Hi! I'm in Day26' and started singing "Got Me Going". I'm all about them though because I will always support men with semi-soulful voices who can harmonize. And this song was a JAM:

 But other than this, I cannot for the life of me name a single other song by these guys. Again, I'm pretty sure this was around the same time that Diddy swooped in with Diddy Dirty Money and made all his groups a side project to his own side project. Ugh, I feel like even I could do a better job than this.

Basically Diddy shouldn't be allowed to handle people, only money. and even then you kind of have to be skeptical:

 ...he's just...so confused.


So Lets recap: 5 for Diddy (counting DDM), and none for the mediocre music loving american public, bye.


Cheers,

Abena

I'm going to get a tattoo of the Olympic rings...

Because then I kind of have to go, dont I?


Every 4 years, the whole world gets their national pride on and remembers that they completely forgot about swimming and Michael Phelps. Then everyone proceeds to get super worked up about it it all for two short but eventful weeks. And it. Is. GLORIOUS. Wonderfully attractive and athletic people assemble to make sedentary spectators from their countries burst with pride (but not enough to get off the couch and stop eating their burrito bowl...IT WAS DELICIOUS, thanks for asking). It sadly ends soon, but I'm kind of excited about it for three reasons

1. Spice Girls/One Direction at the closing ceremony. QE2 and I cannot wait

2. It means the start of Football (professional and college), Rugby, and Arsenal Football oh so soon! DC sports is actually super exciting/not a complete and utter fail at the moment with the Nationals being really good (If I knew more about baseball, I'd probably be even more excited), DC United lighting it up in MLS (Marry me, Chris Pontius) and RGesus III coming to save us all. Heck, even the Wizards are making semi-good moves by finally dumping Andray Blatche, thus dashing all nightmares where Blatche takes Bradley Beale and John Wall clubbing 30 minutes before games. Rugby season will have me brushing up on my french as I watch Stade Toulouse try to retain their title and challenge for the Heineken Cup, and Arsenal will probably have me weeping into my pillow at night. Only half-joking of course. I've mentally prepared myself for RVP's leaving. And surprisingly we've actually signed people who aren't unknown french babies from Ligue 2. I hope Santi Cazorla brings some more of that Spanish midfield magic, and that we get more playing for his country Poldi than playing for his club Poldi. That would be ideal.

Goldi Poldi Hallelujah please bring your clinical German finishing to the Emirates.

But mostly, this guy will be wearing an Arsenal shirt

...which means our reputation as the hottest club in the premiership will not easily be overtaken, even if we lose RVP. Bienvenue a Arsenal, Olivier!

3. I can get super super serious about applying to jobs without distractions (because I'm tryna put this UVA degree to use).

But London 2012 has brought the drama, the tears, the shrieks, and most importantly, the lols. Because I can't be bothered to write too much today, this is a picture post about my favorite parts thus far.

A) Mascots

Haha lies. I can't with the Mascots. They look like giant you-know-whats and everyone knows it. Whoever thought this was a good idea should be fired. Like, were they even going for? One eyed Eiffel tower looking aliens? London, I am dissapoint.

B) Gymnastics

 This picture tells you everything you need to know about the Fab Five. Jordon looking like she could actually go hood on you and beat you up. Gabby looking so natural in her pose. McKayla in the middle being my favorite since we both suffer from chronic "people thing I'm a betch but that's just how my face looks when I'm focused/tired/breathing". Kyla being adorable. Aly not even trying to look hard. She's probably thinking about all her medals.

Can't forget about the boys though (note: they are always forgotten). From left to right: there's Shorty (which is saying something) who is amazing on the high bar, the Fighter from that Gym Class Heroes song, cute white guy, other cute white guy with the eyes, and the cute Hispanic one. I honestly couldn't be bothered to learn their actual names. But men's gymnastics is dope.Epke Zonderland 4 lyfe.

C) Swimming
This Olympics was supposed to be all about Michael Phelps's last run/Ryan being dumb as a box of rocks but an amazing contender, and for the most part it was. But it was the other swimmers that really made it for me. Such as

Is Nathan Adrian not the most adorable adonis you've ever seen?

Missy Franklin is a doll. And then I look at her birth year and clutch my bag of popcorn that I'm eating to my heart. I'll make it someday....

 French Real Life Disney Prince Camille Lacourt. He wears coral V-necks, which means he is sensitive. And obviously French.

 He even has those really blue eyes that I usually find creepy, but he's kind of dreamy so I'm okay with it.

D) Handball
This game underrated. So many emotions, so much sweat to wipe of the floor. I think I'm all about Team Sweden, mostly because of this guy

Kim Ekdahl du Reitz. Mostly because he is channeling his inner Zlatan with that wack hair. Handball is one of those games you watch and think, wow I can do this. We're wearing the same tennis shoes and I own Adidas shorts, I'M READY. But then you realize everyone is like 6'5 and super athletic. Another Olympic dream shattered. 

E) Basketball

...Or as its known at the international level, "Junk-punch-ball". Seriously, there's been at least one of these in every game I've watched. Little do they know that the USA's got a secret junk-punching weapon in our own Chris Paul. I may not remember Lenz's Law in 10 years, but I will always, ALWAYS remember Paul getting suspended a game at Wake for a masterful junk-punch that ended with Wake Forest losing in the ACC tournament.

Also, KD's dancing is pretty much key to Team USA's wins.

F) Weightlifting

Goodness I got so emotionally invested in this. But these make excellent caption games to fill the time. This picture says : "efffff...i gotta poop"

G) TRACK AND FIELD. My favorite.

Jess Ennis is everything I want to be in life. A pretty heptathlete with a gold medal, obviously.

 I wanna hang out with these two for a day. I'm sure it would consist of the three of us yelling "BULLET!" every five seconds and watching Cool Runnings.

and of course

H) Women's Soccer.

If  you didn't watch the USA-Canada Semifinal, you probably saved yourself a heart-attack. This game was a woman's soccer masterclass, as well as an officiating disaster. Canada will claim they were robbed (and to be fair, the ref was pretty horrible at times), but as a fan of the USWNT, you just have to take the win and run with it. On to Japan!

gurl bye

Had to edit because I couldn't leave without adding this:

Only because "Fecking" is now the new "Tanning". Looks painful, but i laughed. Also, look up Kevin Tan pommel horse is you're confused about Tanning.

Okay, probs have to go pack now. Laters!

Abena

This is a Nostalgia Post

So this blog was always better at the beginning when I was actually traveling (Lyon me manque comme whoa), as I had much more exciting things to write about. I tried with the Euro thing, but of course my life got side-tracked with actually studying for the MCAT and not just sitting in front of the TV with all of my books unopened, getting angry whenever Howard Webb was reffing a game. Thankfully I'll be back to to my globtrotting in less than a week, as the fam goes to Ghana for two weeks of vacation (which hopefully means amazing encounters at my favorite airport, London-Heathrow. Olympians have to go home at some point right? I'll be there.). Until then, I'm going to get back in the blogging spirit by tackling the subject I love the most: The wonders of the human reproduction system.
 

 


LIES. This is about music. During my 9 weeks of studying, I had to make a whole lot of notecards. And of course, as I banned myself from television (except for the Bachelorette on Monday nights, White Collar/Rizzoli and Isles/Franklin and Bash/Covert Affairs on Tuesday Nights, Dallas on Wednesdays, and Suits on Thursday nights...okay, so I wasn't very good at this), I needed some sort of background noise as I committed mechanisms and semi-useless physics equations to memory. So naturally I turned to music. As much as I loved the Barnes and Noble looped playlist of Maroon 5-Emeli Sande-Of Monsters and Men-Brandi Carlisle playlist (no, I really did love it...From Finner is actually one of my favorite songs now), I had to escape the crying kids and the obnoxious Barista that I've sure was loudly compulsively lying about his love life to his co-workers and the whole of Barnes and Noble because everyone could hear him. So I went to the World Bank with my dad and hijacked some Dutch lady's office. While there, I indulged in two things. The first (which should just be a give away to anyone that knows me) was Backstreet. Until 2 and 2 make 3, I will stand by the Backstreet boys being the best 5-piece vocal harmony group of the late 1990s and early 2000s and I will fight in hand-to-hand combat anybody that tries to disagree.I basically listened to every old school BSB video on youtube and came up with key findings/thoughts:

1. Backstreet Boys circa 1993

So once upon a time, they used to let Howie D sing lead? I mean, to be fair, Howie's voice is good. You probably wouldn't know it though because soon after this they must have realized that Brian Litrell had the voice of a pop god and swiped all the solos for him. I'm obviously not mad about it because Brian is amazing and hit his vocal peak around like 1998, just in time for me to be old enough to be obsessed. And plus Howie holds it down on the high harmony like a boss and has probably aged the best out of the da boys. He's like the Niall Horan (of One Direction) of his time. Also, were I not just shy of 3 years old, I would have been jonesing so hard for young Nick Carter. He sounds a bit like a woman (So like Justin Bieber circa last week), and would have been the closest one to me in height at that point.  Kevin was like 45 already but remains a "Real Life Disney Prince" so whatever. And from listening to every a cappella BSB performace available (I had A LOT of notecards to do okay?), he sings all the bass parts, and you know how I feel about low man voices.  AJ was great because 1) he was rapping (BSB was clearly fashioned as a hybrid of Boys to Men and New Kids on the Block, him being the rapping New Kids boy, I wanna say Donny) and 2) he was soooo unfortunate looking most of the time. But it was like he was there to prove that you could be ugly and famous back in the day as long as you had major talent. Soon after this video was made (where to be fair he looks fine), he found his inner Dennis Rodman and started dressing like Scary Spice on the reg. Today's standards of beauty make it impossible for me to end up famous unless I grow into an aspiring model with a waitressing job and an olympic boyfriend on my arm. I hate everything.

 (dammit, I wasn't supposed to keep going with this. whatever)

2. I'll Never Break Your Heart
An underrated BSB song with not one, but TWO incredible videos. I just can't go on to the rest of this without a quick analysis of both

0:00 - The girls. THE GIRLS. "how bout to friends?" "FRIENDS YEAH!" ...should have added "EFF BOYS I JUST WANNA DANCE"
0:08 - You tell her Kevin.. *swoon*
0:25 - Omg matching patriotic sweaters for a chilly yet steamy day on the slopes.
1:50 - Coordinated shoulder movements. Holy crap these guys are amazing. I truly believe they'll never break my heart now
2:08 - They're slow dancing with the girls. Why didn't this happen to me on any of those Pender Ski Trips? WHERE WAS MY BACKSTREET BOY??
3:26 - Brian has planted a rose in the snow for this biddy. He would be the most sprung over a girl
3:42 - Brian and AJ slay the rest of the track. The End.

0:20 - AJ being fug. I miss the sweaters from the budget video :(
0:38 - Nick Carter uses this product, makes it a best-seller at Limited Too:

0:53 - I dont know, but something about men in black is always a good thing. Alexi Lalas must have watched this video before some of those Euro post-game commentary things, because he was working that black (Michael Ballack too). And when I say everyone looks good, I clearly only mean Brian and Kevin. I can't with everyone else's mesh shirts. NOT A GOOD LOOK.
2:16 - Hi Howie. Casually playin' your guitar. I see you.
2:40 - Brian bringing that falsetto realness. Never gets old
2:47 - How did it take me this long to realize how stupid Nick Carter's outfit/room is?
2:58 - Brian would sneak a dog into this video.
3:03 - Nick's girl's spiked collar. I think she was confused when they said "Bring a choker, they're super in these days"
3:14 - Kevin remains perfect. Not only is my birthday twin, but he is down with the swirl. SCORE *swoon*
3:35 - Perfect pop moment with the key-change. Works EVERYTIME

Goodness there's so much I could go into, but I gotta move on.Anyway, all the other times when I wasn't listening to Backstreet, I was looking up songs from the past. Wonderful people on Youtube have made compilations where you can listen to the top 60-something songs from a certain year, so obviously that's what I did. Since my sister is going into the 7th grade this year, I'm going back ten years (I am ancient) to the Top Songs of 2002 and pointing out some of my personal highlights.

HERE WE GO BACK TO 2002! This compilation is pretty hiphop/r&b centric. But lets be real, thats all I was listening to back then anyway. Who would have predicted my Europop awakening 5 years later?

- #1, Nelly - Starting it off with a bang. I definitely went around yelling "I AM NUMBER ONE" when I got the presidential fitness award capped off by my 7:56 mile. Sadly, I think that was my peak fitness.
- Fullmoom, Brandy - When Brandy tried to be bad and no1curred
- Call me beep me, Christina Milian - Shout of to Kim Possible. That was my show. Except when her and Ron got together or whatever doing that movie. NOT HERE FOR THAT, DISNEY.
- Air Force One, Nelly - Wow, 2002 was Nelly's year wasn't it? I knew (still know) Murphy Lee's entire part in this. Never did own a pair of Air force ones though.
-  Overprotected, Britney Spears - UGH MY JAM. This was back when Godney was still queen and not a hot mess. I think I still kind of hated her for ditching her good girl image (I'm pretty sure I took it personally haha), but this song was my life. I could relate you know. I didn't know shet until I went to boarding school (Thank you Choate!). 
- Dirrty, Christina Aguilera - Cannot forget that extra R. She just put it all out there didn't she? And by it I mean her vajayjay and her butt. I was so against this whole era haha. Well, until Fighter came along.
- Girlfriend, NSYNC - Nelly totally made this song. But I just wanted JC to sing this song to me. I wont go into detail about how disappointed I am in his solo career (I've already covered it) and how Justin refuses to sing again, so we'll just leave it at that. JUSTIN BIEBER THANKS YOU FOR THE INSPIRATION.
- Love at First Sight, Kylie Minogue - I actually remember this coming out. It was my second Kylie song after the iconic 'Can't get you out of my head' and I was ALL ABOUT IT. Ugh, sooo 7th grade.
- All You Wanted, Michelle Branch - Remember when everyone thought this song was about Jesus? Or was that just me?
- Sk8er boi, Avril Lavigne - This song defines the 7th grade for me. Or rather, for everyone who wasn't me. Avril started a takeover where every girl started wearing ties and then pretended it wasn't because of Avril. I remember some girl even claimed that Avril copied her and that she'd been wearing ties since 'like 5th grade.' I think I dropped her as a friend soon after.
- Gangsta Lovin, Eve - LOVE LOVE LOVE. This is how I like my female MCs. And her show was amazing.
- Hot in Herre, Nelly - HEY GIRL I THINK MY BUTT GETTING BIG. If you knew any words to this song it was those 8 words. Nelly wishes every year was 2002

- I can, Nas - Oh man oh man, inspiring me to 7th grade greatness right here...But seriously, can we talk about how useless all school years prior to maybe 11th grade were to life? Like elementary school, what the hell were we even doing? Coloring? dissecting owl pellets for weeks at a time?
- A Thousand Miles, Vanessa Carlton - Whatever happened to her? After the flawless 'Ordinary Day' and 'White Houses' she just kinda fell off. Every girl and their mom tried to learn this song though.
- The World's Greatest, R. Kelly - Robert needed to stop peeing on girls and singing songs about getting his freak on to realize his greatness. And this song was AMAZEBALLS. It still makes me feel like I can conquer the world haha. Gotta put this on my non-existant work out mix.
- Gotta Get Through This, Daniel Bedingfield - That awkward moment when you realized this song was sang by a dude. And then realizing years later that he's Natasha Bedingfield's brother. Mind Blown.
- What's Luv, Fat Joe - Curse you Fat Joe for reducing dancing to Leaning Back. Love this song, but I'll never forgive you for that shet.
- My Sacrifice, Creed - You're lying to yourself if you say you weren't all about Creed back in the day.
And in this compilation, Nelly is crowned King of 2002 with "Dilemma" ft. Kelly Rowland. Kelendria was always my favorite child of Destiny so I had this on blast on my little radio all day errday. And Nelly, take a bow. 2002 was yours...and then some time later you did the WORST song probably ever recorded until Friday by Rebecca Black (that awful "Over and Over" with Mr. Faith Hill's husband). But you should still be proud, I guess.


Olympic picture post tomorrow? I THINK YES.

.

Group C

I was way too tired after 8 hours of MCAT to preview to today's matches, but I'm not bothered I'll do it now. Its not like I give intensive analysis anyway, just pictures for people to ogle and facts to ponder.

Spain vs. Italy (its currently 1-1). gonna do this one a bit differently

Spain:

Fun facts about Spain the country: home of all beautiful people (except for Sergio Busquets who is a flopping ninny), my favorite spanish rock group El Canto Del Loco, and David Bisbal of "Ava Maria" fame and spain's euro anthem that I jam to in my free time:

Italy:

Fun facts about Italy the country: home of Gelato, the boy I liked in 4th grade, one of my favorite songs/video combinations of all time, "Giulia" by Dj Lhasa vs. Gabry Ponte:

Reasons why this game is a thing:

1. The Goalies: Iker Casillas vs. Gigi Buffon

Iker is a beautiful man with the most perfect profile. He sure does cry a lot, but he's an amazing goalie that anyone should want. He used to date the most beautiful girl in the land, Eva Gonzalez and they were literally the hottest thing walking the earth. 

girl crushing so hard on her.

 Then they broke up and I cried about it, but then she pulled off the most amazing upgrade in the entire world, dating a spanish bullfighter Cayetano Rivera Ordonez. All hail queen Eva

Eva went from this...

...to this. Teach me your ways oh great one.

Goodness, he even rocks a beard like a boss. Sorry Eva just took over this post.

 Iker's done pretty well for himself too, I guess. He's dating Sara Carbonero/a (I never know. Its the pasta brand). She's beautiful and exotic looking, and they gave us the most precious moment after the Spain World Cup win.

Gigi Buffon isn't just some nobody though. He is the inexplicably hot goalie for the Azzurri (Seriously I can't explain it to myself. He slicks his hair back too much sometimes and he's old looking sometimes, but he has some stuff on a good day. and he's tanner than Tan Mom).

oh bonj!

He's won a world cup, and has a wife who is fierce as hell, Alena Seredova

She's Czech, a model and former Miss World contestant. Casual, me too. 

The games over now but these two goalies are priceless in their games. 

SIDENOTE: Michael F. Ballack just trolled Alexi Lalas to his face. Giuseppe "traitor" Rossi just got asked why he picked Italy over USA, and after a long and mostly valid explanation (his name is not Joseph y'all. His parents knew), Michael just goes "well they are the better team" and laughed a hearty German laugh. Alexi was NOT amused lawlz. He just pulled the face of that dog from the last post. Oh Michael, you're a gem.

2. Mario Balotelli: He is so much its a lot to handle. Though he doesn't seem to identify with Ghana despite his parents being from there (which is fair I guess), I'd love nothing more for John Mensah on Ghana's national team to knock some sense into him about how to act right (seriously, give him one day with the ghana squad and see if he acts out as much. This dude plays for City (for the money). On the real he has made points that are valid (the whole "i'll walk off the pitch if people are racist towards me". People say you need to be professional, ignore it and play out the game, but its a tough situation.) But then he also goes and lights fireworks in his bathroom and starts a fire. foolissh (said in my heaviest Ghanaian accent)

3. Xabi Alonso's ginger beard. People who know me know that I always appreciate a good strong beard. Xabi's beard is extra special because 1) the ginger came out of no where 2) he is absolutely beautiful without it, and so hot with it. Few people can pull that off (him and Cayetano I guess). 

4. Pirlo: because he's still playing! Gosh he's not even that old, but I feel like he's been around forever and is hording the fountain of youth. Look out for long passes and such

 

6. Nando playing not so well: I love(d) Fernando Jose Torres Sanz as much as the next girl (except if the next girl is Olalla his amazing wife. i think she loves him more), but dare I say he peaked in 2008? His hair is looking great though. Work that headband, Nando!

Honorable Mention: The Ramos' new haircut

 

Croatia vs. Ireland

I'm actually so excited for this game! Croatia always has the best socks (picnic blanket chic), and Ireland is just so excited to be there (and its home to Niall from One Direction.

Reasons to watch:

1. The Coaches: Slaven Bilic vs.  Giovanni Trapattoni

Bilic!

Slaven has always been kinda sleazy looking (his earring doesn't help), but in a weird kind of attractive older man kinda way. He's got a mouth on him sometimes but just seems to ooze cool at all other times. He plays guitar too in a heavy metal band. How many managers can pu that on their resumes?

Trap, as he's known, is pretty cool too. Super successful player and coach, he brought the Irish within a hand (Titi Henry's to be specific) of going to South Africa for the World Cup, and got them to this tournament, where they haven't been in a long while. He looks a bit like Mel Brooks. For both coaches and teams, its kind of a must win game, especially with Italy and Spain as the other half of the group.

2. Shay Given: Irish goalie. He's old, and has Dracula's hairline

3. Eduardo

Love him forever.

I'll still never get over the way Eduardo's foot broke while he was at Arsenal (google it but beware its a lot). He was never the same for us and I was really disappointed and sad to see him go. He's a muffin an a half though. Brazilian and Croatian and just a fantastic striker on his day.
4. Stephen Kelly, Ireland. His Eyes. that is all.

hey boy hey

5. Vedran Corluka, Nicolas Kranjcar
Corluka is what Clark Kent/Superman would look like in real life, holy crap. and Nico is a muffin. even if he did play for Scum

dare i say, even better in motion

bonj

6. All the Irish Gingers: truly reppin their people. Here's to you Damien Duff (you're like a strawberry blonde i guess but whatever), Paul McShane, Paul Green

schmee maybe I'll do the one for tomorrow's games laters!

Cheers,

Abena

Group A Games Review, Group B Preview

Oh man oh man, what a dramatic first game Poland-Greece was. Poland destroying the right side early, a solid header from the increasingly attractive Lewandowski to start off, Refs making harsh calls and non-calls (do they think this is Boston-Miami? lock it up), 2 players sent off (Wojciech showing his age a little bit), a saved penalty on a first touch by the replacement goalie for Poland, a goal called offside, and overall Greece rising from the dead in the second half. Talk about a way to open the tournament.

Things noted: Poland's team...much more attractive than initially anticipated. Hello Obraniak and Perquis, Welcome to the club.

Tyra taught Ludovic here how to sm-eyez.

hey boy hey

Then there was the Russia-Czech Republic game. Andrey and Tomas's adorableness as captains, Howard Webb being pretty fair as a ref despite being a dick on the reg, Jesus playing for the czechs, Everybody on Russia (except for Andrey, who is 12. seriously. he and his child could be brothers) looking like they could hurt you in hand to hand combat, all of the holes on the left side of the czech republic defense that lead to the first two goals, and then the Russians just letting guns blaze.

Also, CAN WE TALK ABOUT MICHAEL F. BALLACK FOR A MOMENT? My favorite Mr. "I've always liked 2nd place better than 1st anyway" is sitting very pretty next to the occasional tool that is the Ginger Prince of American Soccer, Alexi Lalas, using his talents at ESPN for Euro 2012 coverage. Why is his presence so great?
1. His english is precious: He is clearly probably fluent in conversational english, but not so much in the kind of language needed for close analyses in this setting. Nevertheless, his words still hold value, and it looks like he is reading off his piece of paper for the complex stuff.
2. He is so tan and good-looking: good Lord, does he know how to work a black on black suit-shirt combo or what? He's had his fashion faux-pas' in the past, like this one:

Its like a Kaleidoscope threw up on his shirt.

but when he wants to he can really turn it out. I wish I could screen cap it so the world would see.
3. He doesn't take scheisse from nobody...: Bob Ley and Alexi are trying to add some spice to their commentary, get him in on some jokes...Michael says, "danke, aber nein.":

hahahahaha not really. but like, basically.

He's all business. Or doesn't understand the lingo exactly (see point number one). Example:
Bob Ley: Who do you like in this group, Michael
Michael Ballack: it doesn't matter who I like. Here's who is going to win...
Bob Ley:...(probably thinking yeah thats what i meant but whatever)
or when Alexi was like "You're a good looking man but I'm going to have to disagree with you" and Michael give the shortest laugh (a smirk really) and then went into:

but he's loosening up. Kinda. Gah he is great.

But tomorrow some of us that dont have 8 bloody hours of no-fun will get to see the Group B matches. As soon as I and the rest of the world saw this groups line ups, it was pretty freaking obvious that this was the "Group of Death": Germany, Denmark, Portugal, and the Netherlands. It could easily have been referred to as the "Group of incomparable beauty." So whatever, here are the matches!

Netherlands vs. Denmark:

Denmark:

Danesssssssss

Fun Facts about Denmark the country: home of Alphabeat: my preferred 7-piece pop group out there right now, norse Gods (Almighty Johnsons for the win!), and apparently the happiest people anywhere.

If you're not watching this show, you probably dont live in New Zealand. Regardless, you're missing out.

Reasons to like them:

1.  Morten Olsen: the coach! I'm all about loyalty, and this dude's been the Danish coach sine 2000. He's stepping down after Euro, but he's credited with helping reach championships and such. Team is affectionately called Olsen's Eleven.

2. Nicklas Bendtner: Super Nick is a character to say the least. Formerly a pink-booted Arsenal man, he now plows his trade somewhere that I dont care about (...or maybe its Sunderland, I dunno). Confident is an understandment when it comes to him but his feet dont always follow his mouth. But he had a baby with Danish pseudo-royalty and his pretty good looking, so he's got that going for him

"I am one of the best strikers in the world". i love ya Nick, but that is #shitnoonesaysaboutyou

2. Simon Kjaer: because he looks like an Angel...with sleeve tattoos. but still. angelic.

yup heaven's that way.

3. Daniel Agger: Tough defender. Super cute. He's a tattoo artist! Norse god-like if I ever saw one

an oldie but a goody.

Netherlands:

Wahoowa orange is a great color.

Fun Facts about the Netherlands the country: home of everyone with the last name Van something, model Doutzen Kroes, and my homegirl Jenna Schilstra's dad. and the best kits still!

Reasons to like them:

1.  The WAGs. The wives and girlfriends of these players are among my favorite, and should probably be yours as well. 

a) Bouchra Van Persie: she is the Queen of my heart. Moroccan-dutch, married to Arsenal Captain Robin van Persie (there is a clear Arsenal bias in this blog), and mother of two kidnappable kids, Shaqueel (SHAQUEEL VAN PERSIE IS THE FUTURE) and Dina. She is beautiful and just a boss. 

being flawless with Robin

b) Sylvie van de vaart: probably head of the Dutch wags. Sylvie is married to Rafael Van de Vaart (who plays for scum). She's known for her big eyes and big hair. She also beat cancer. She is a survivor in 7 inch heels. and she rocked a orange dutch dress for the last euros.

there's a precious story about how she was worried about losing all her hair when she had cancer, and Rafa told her he loved her no matter what she looked like and how it gave her confidence to appear on dutch tv without a wig. 4 for you, Rafa!

2. Nigel de Jong: He's pretty well known for Karate chopping Xabi Alonso during the World Cup and general murderous challenges (as my mother always says "if you dont get the ball, get the man"). Between him and Van Bommel ( another holding mid at its fiestiest) They WILL get the ball back at all costs. so you know, if you're into that.



3. Gregory Van de Wiel: just hope that the players trade jerseys at the end. s'all i'm saying...

"its alright son, everyone loses their jersey sometimes"

Based on nothing, the winner will be: The Flying Dutchmen!

Portugal vs Germany

Portugal: 

Someone once asked in high school "why didn't spain just invade portugal?"

Fun facts about Portugal the country: home of the coolest language ever, Jose Mourinho, and original home of the parents of Lucenzo, who changed my life with this song:

...so good.

Reasons to like them:

1. Cristiano Ronaldo: Okay, I actually was not the biggest CR7 fan. Absolutely hated him at Manchester United. But since his move to Real Madrid he's become a lot more tolerable. And you can't deny he's a baller. This picture doesn't hurt though. 

casual.

Irina, his beard (Cris and Kaka one true pairing 4 lyfe)

...but as is probably obvious I get attached to couples a lot (POSH AND BECKS 4 LYFE), and I like his WAG decently enough. Irina Shayk is a Russian model. Has an interesting upper lip, but overall is super model gorgeous.

2. Fabio Ceontrao: I dunno he's adorbs. and his hair looks like fireworks

he gets Rod Stewart hair from time to time. 

3. Nelson Oliviera: I remember this guy from the u-20 World Cup last year! He has Zayn from one direction hair on good days. On off days he doesn't look bad though. I think he's one to watch. Mostly because everyone and their mother says its CR and Nani, but I hate Nani and dont advocate anyone liking him.

gets to play with the big boys now

Germany:

OH ZE GERMAAANS ARE HERE

Fun Facts about Germany the country: I went there once for a wedding when I was 5, home of Fettes Brot a german rap group (see video below), and a weirdly loyal following of David Hasslehoff

...think German beastie boys.

Reasons to like them:

1. Jogi Loew: He will undoubtedly be the best dressed coach at the tournament. Since Klinsy's with us now, Jogi is leading the way in clean coaching fashion. I hope he brings the casual grandpa sweater back.

he's just giving them out now, innit?

2. ALL OF THE MUFFINS: are on this team- Holger, Thomas, Mats, Mesut, Sami, Basti, Lukas, and more! I am indeed on a first name basis with all of them and they are beyond adorable. Even Mario Gomez, who you might not understand at first. But he grows on you. Check out Holger (German Justin Bieber) and Basti dancing: 

3. German WAGs: they all look like generally nice girls who have been dating their men since birth and then decided to get married and be happy forever.

Thomas Mueller and Lisa Mueller.  So freaking cute.

Based on nothing, the winner will be: ze Germans!

 alright, happy Euro 2012!

 Beans